To the Moon - ScheiGuy

I feel it necessary to add several prefaces to this post. First, it contains major spoilers for the game To the Moon. If you ever want to play that game, then don't read this article until you play it first. Second, this article is going to be more about personal experience than a typical post. If you prefer articles that are mostly game-centric, then this may not be for you. Third, and finally, I understand my circumstances aren't uncommon and aren't the toughest out there. By no means do I ever wish in this article to belittle anyone's personal struggle nor to act like I have it worse. I'm simply writing through the lens of my own experience - it's the only one I have.

On Episode 84, I remarked how To the Moon made some tears roll. That wasn't exactly the case. This game made me full on weep. Johnny's story alone could make you cry, but I want to focus on River. As we progress through Johnny's later years and the end of River's life, we see River engaging in what seems to be odd repetitive behavior. She keeps folding paper rabbits and asking the same questions about them. She even folds one to resemble the color patterns of her wedding dress. We see that she's kept an odd looking stuffed animal all of her life for no apparent reason. We see she nearly threw herself over a cliff when Johnny throws the hackysack to the water below. River seems to "snap" and increase some of her odd behaviors when Johnny explains and apologizes for the false front he put up during their first encounter. And, to the point of giving up her own life, she insists the house her and Johnny began building next to the lighthouse be completed. We learn fairly early on that River has Asperger's Syndrome - a diagnosis no longer given that now exists under the umbrella of Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD). The unwitting player is almost tempted to write off her behavior. Even her own husband refuses to educate himself about it - for which they both pay a tragic price.

Then, we come to the childhood scenes that explain it all. Johnny didn't first talk to River at school when he asked her out. They had a deep and meaningful first meeting before Johnny lost Joey and had his memories blocked. We are told why the lighthouse, the rabbits, the hackysack, and the stuffed animal are so important to River. We learn that what most characters, and I daresay a lot of players, shrugged off as odd and concerning behaviors were actually deep and desperate acts of love never fully realized. She's trying to help Johnny the best way that she's able to. She wants him to remember. She wants their bond together to be strengthened through that memory. She wants to be there for him. She wants to help him heal deep penetrating mental and emotional scars. Her ability to communicate her love is limited. Meanwhile, the replies she gets are dismissive and a direct result of Johnny's refusing to educate himself about Asperger's Syndrome. Johnny is concerned, stressed, and even annoyed by River's behavior. Even the doctors you play as comment that all the paper rabbits are "creepy". Yet, each one is a symbol of love and dedication - of River never giving up hope she could connect with and help Johnny. Even when treated poorly, she replies with love. She lived in a society not designed for her. She lived amongst ignorance and cruelty - as shown throughout the game. Yet, she let love guide her way, even if that meant her love manifest looked different. After all, nearly all manifestations of her inner-self appeared "different."

For those who don't know, my son was diagnosed with ASD nearly two and a half years ago. It's fairly severe. Every day, my wife, daughter, and I help him navigate a world not designed with him in mind.* I can't count the number of times his behavior is misunderstood per day. I can't count the times he was attempting something positive at school and we receive a negative note about it (not maliciously... he's just not understood). Right now, I'm "his person." I understand him inside and out. I can "read" him. I can decode nearly any behavior. My wife can to a great extent, and often fills in the times I'm stumped, but she will even tell you, I'm his person. We simply have a special, unbreakable, unspoken bond. Every day, my heart is utterly wrenched by my fear for him. What he'll have to endure. What pain/struggles he'll face due to simple misunderstandings that he can't easily navigate like you or I can. What he'll be capable of as he grows up. The countless people who will dismiss him or write him off as incapable or marginalize him as a weirdo. The countless acts of love and affection that will go unrealized. To the Moon took nearly every fear I have for him as his father, his guardian, his protector, his top advocate, his teacher, his friend and told it in a beautiful, moving, and respectful story. For that, I will always be grateful I experienced this game.

What's most powerful of all is the transcendence of To the Moon's story beyond ASD. People fight so many unseen battles - many external beyond their control and many internal beyond their control. So many people are misunderstood, dismissed, marginalized, labeled - yet how many are like River? How many choose a path of love each and every day, waiting for someone to notice? We'll never know if we don't take a moment to step back, educate ourselves, and view people with an informed and compassionate eye.

* I understand awareness is increasing. I understand the diagnosis is increasingly common. However, the truth remains, awareness and necessary assistance for families are still severely lacking (at least in the U.S. where we live) and look to be for around another decade. I'll gladly discuss this more with anyone via a Discord DM if you'd like.